PLAYOFFS

We’re closing in on the final month of the Era, and there’s still plenty to be decided, so let’s have a look at how the stretch-run is shaping up! Who are the sure things, who’s on the bubble, and who’s just playing out the string?
AFC NORTH
SURE THING – Brackish Brawlers (9-2-0), Oblivion Knights (7-4-1)The Brawlers are just as good as everyone expected them to be, and just swung a blockbuster trade to load up for what they hope will be a deep run in the playoffs. The Knights are hot on their heels, and both of these teams are pretty much locks for the post-season.
ON THE BUBBLE – None
PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Fi$t Fir$t (2-4-6), Neverland Thrillers (0-4-7)
Fi$t Fir$t put up a good fight every week, but they didn’t post their first win until Week 6, and there’s no way they were ever going to dig themselves out of that hole. The Neverland Thrillers are still winless after 11 Weeks; they aren’t the worst team in the OFL, but that’s only because Orabbi is playing by a different set of rules.
AFC WEST
SURE THING – None
ON THE BUBBLE – Phoenix Kings (7-1-3), Undermountain Hammerhands (4-5-2)I know a lot of you will disagree with me not calling the Kings a lock, but hear me out. With Miasmic Misery Week 12 and The Chosen Ones Week 13, the next two weeks will make or break their season. The Hammerhands are 1 point back, but with a much easier schedule heading into the divisional games, so this division will probably ride on the outcome of their Week 15 tilt, and with the fierce competition for WC spots, it could be tough for the AFC W to send 2 teams to the playoffs.
PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Cereal Killers (4-4-4), Skulltakers (2-1-8)The Cereal Killers are only 1.5 back of the division lead, but they’ve already played their Week 12, and Week 13 they host the Pink Spades. If the Kings and the Hammerhands both falter, AND the Cereal Killers run their divisional games, they could steal the division, but realistically, they’re finished. The Skulltakers have struggled all season, which is exactly what everybody expected they’d do, given the disadvantage they had entering the Era late, and with no FA pool do draw on.

AFC EAST

SURE THING – None

ON THE BUBBLE – Testicular Elephantitis (6-2-4), Naggaroth Revolutionaries (4-5-2)

Testicular Elephantitis were on a tear early in the season, but only have 2 wins in their last 6, and Gigglebits just bit his last giggle, which made Timdog sad, but made everyone else happy. Without their star Bull, the Elephant Tits should be considered a long shot to make the post-season. The Revolutionaries have hung tough all season, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see them finish strong and take the divisional crown by 1.5 points.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – VooDoo (3-3-5), Maelstrom Marauders (4-1-7)

VooDoo slid out of contention when they dropped 4 straight games, only scoring 1 TD in those losses. They posted a big win last week against the Phoenix Kings, but it’s too little, too late. Same goes for the Marauders, who’ve won 3 of 4 after stumbling and bumbling through the 1st half. I’d say better luck next season, but there’s no way the Marauders will be back.

AFC SOUTH

SURE THING – Zerg Rush (7-2-3)

Zerg Rush lost 2 of their first 3 games, and they’ve only lost 1 since. This team is on a big-time roll, and they’re doing it with only 8 players on their roster. They’ve suffered 8 deaths this season, most notably Gorefist, but the terrible trio of Xel Naga, Fist of Kerrigan, and Ashdar have kept this team pointed in the right direction. They’ve got the brute force to go toe-to-toe with anybody, but a deep playoff run seems far-fetched given how shorthanded they are.

ON THE BUBBLE – None

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Creeping Death (4-3-4), Warp Factor Eleven (3-1-7), Nehekhara Nightmare (2-3-6)

Creeping Death have a roster full of talent, but they’ve been kicking around .500 all year; some seasons, in some conferences, that can keep you in the wildcard hunt. Not this year, though. Warp Factor Eleven have done about as well as you can expect, while the Nightmare have been a big, big disappointment. They hung around for the 1st half of the year, but a 4-game slide has taken them well out of contention, and at this point they’re playing for pride. It’s a shame to see a once-proud franchise laid so low…you hear me, Norse? A SHAME.

AFC CENTRAL

SURE THING – IronTree Hurlers (6-3-2)

Servants of Saruman are currently leading this division, but the Hurlers have a game in hand, and SOS has a date with Miasmic Misery next week, so it’ll be the Elves that take the divisional crown. The Hurlers have put together a solid 2nd-half surge after struggling out of the gate, and they’ve gone 3-2-0 in their last five, which is even more impressive when you consider that the draws came against the Knights and the Brawlers.

ON THE BUBBLE – Servants of Saruman (8-0-4), Stout Lagerhead AllStars (7-1-4)

Both of these teams SHOULD make the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean they WILL. SOS has a tough Week 13 matchup, and then a tough round of divisional games, but unless they completely fall apart, they should be able to hang on to at least a silver star. The AllStars have a free point coming next week vs OFL RAGE QUIT, but they will pay for that point in blood, and a costly injury or two could derail them right before their divisional games. If either SOS or the AllStars fade towards the finishing line, the Hammerhands and Kings will both get in.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Nightmare on Elf Street (4-0-7)

NES had a ridiculously tough schedule this season, with just FOUR of their 16 opponents currently sitting under .500. They dropped their first 4 contests of the season, and while they’ve been better lately, there’s no way they were ever going to overcome that deficit with this schedule.

WFC NORTH

SURE THING – None

ON THE BUBBLE – Soup to Nuts (6-3-3), The Circus (6-1-4), Coolswamp Bogcrocs (5-1-5)

This might be the toughest division to handicap coming down to the divisional games. Soup to Nuts have rebounded nicely after a terrible Season 11, the Bogcrocs have dropped 4 straight after looking like they were on track for another division title, and the Circus has come to town, and they’ve started winning games! What the hell is IN those pies, anyway? STN is in the lead right now, but the Circus will take over top spot with a win this week. The wildcard bar is a full point lower in the WFC than it is in the AFC, so 2 of these teams should get in; right now it looks like the Bogcrocs will be the team on the outside looking in, but it’ll all come down to the divisional games.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Hood Rats (2-3-7)

The only wins the Hood Rats have this season are against Breaking ‘eads and OFL Rage Quit, and they’ve been treated like punching backs in most of their games. The Rats also had a coaching change mid-season, with Lawquoter stepping in for Killabruh (who Trick tracked down, so at least we know he’s still alive. Thanks, Trick!). It’s tough being from the Hood.

WFC WEST

SURE THING – Miasmic Misery (7-3-1)

The Misery have owned this division all Era, and they’re poised to walk away with their 3rd straight title. They’ve only got 1 loss all year, and even though they have tough opponents the next two weeks, they’ve all but clinched their playoff berth.

ON THE BUBBLE – None

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – The Fly Boys (3-3-5), Nebraskull HornHuskers (3-3-5), OFL RAGE QUIT (0-1-11)

The Fly Boys just snapped a 4-game losing streak by beating the Hood Rats, but these OFL newcomers are right about where everyone expected they’d be. The same can’t be said for the HornHuskers, who have had a disappointing campaign after strong showings in the first two seasons of the Era, and they’ve struggled with injuries and deaths in Season 12. OFL RAGE QUIT will win their 3rd consecutive Golden Scimitar this season; it’s the only thing they’ll win. Is Orabbi a big meany? Vote Top Yes!

WFC EAST

SURE THING – Cactuar Calamity (7-3-2)

Squall’s rats are scoring like crazy, and piling up the wins. Plus, they just killed Gigglebits, so yay. With a comfortable lead over the rest of the division, the Calamity will probably be less concerned with wins and more concerned with keeping their key players alive through the final weeks of the season.

ON THE BUBBLE – Darkside Marauders (4-4-3)

The Marauders are just outside a wildcard spot right now, but their schedule coming home doesn’t look too bad, and with a little luck they’ll grab a silver star from either Clan Dragonbane or one of the WFCN teams. After a slow start, a strong finish will get them into the post-season.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Hexoatl Hurricanes (4-2-5), Heroes of Lore (3-3-6)

On paper, the Hurricanes are better than their record, but they’re running out of games to prove it, and they’ll probably need to win 4 of their last 5 to make the playoffs. The reality is that there are too many teams they need to climb over, and even if they do string a handful of victories together, it likely won’t be enough. For the Heroes, a string of injuries/deaths to key players, combined with the decision to release the talented but underperforming Rawbone Jawdrool, has led to a difficult road. It’s a tough end to the era for a team that had 10.5 points last season.

WFC SOUTH

SURE THING – The Chosen Ones (7-3-1), Pink Spades (7-2-2)

The Chosen Ones established themselves as one of the dominant teams in the OFL last season, and have followed that up with a strong campaign in Season 12. The loss of their ST 4 Wardancer Katniss should have slowed them down, but it didn’t. They just keep winning games, and whether they hold on to the division or take a wildcard, they’re a lock for the post-season. Hot on their heels, the Spades have had another solid season, and the divisional crown will probably be settled when they meet for the final time in Week 14.

ON THE BUBBLE – Clan Dragonbane (5-3-3)

This team would probably be higher in the standings, but for some reason, Byrth Grundadrakk keeps trying to throw the ball. Clan Dragonbane are sitting in a wildcard spot right now, and with Byrth and freak of nature Gotrek Gurnisson, they should be able to hang onto it, but their divisional games will be tough.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Orkemon (3-1-8)

With a strong roster and a veteran coach with a proven track record, it’s hard to fathom why things went so wrong for Orkemon in Season 12. Unbelievably, they lost 5 in a row to start the season, and never seemed to get on track. In what might be the OFL’s toughest division, somebody’s gotta come last, but I didn’t expect it to be the Orcs.

WFC UP

SURE THING – Woodstock Warriors (6-2-3)

The Warriors have gotten stronger as the season’s gone on, and their main rivals, SPINAL SNAP, have faded, leaving the Wood Elves the heavy favourites to take the divsion. Grace Slick and Joan Baez are enough to keep opposition coaches up at night, and if they stay healthy, they could make a run at a title.

ON THE BUBBLE – SPINAL SNAP (5-2-5)

With only 1 loss in their first 7 games, SPINAL SNAP looked like they were going to cruise to a division title, but they’re 1-0-4 since. Granted, that 1 win was against the Pink Spades, so it’s too soon to write them off completely, but with the deaths of St. Hubbins, Break’Noz, and Gorefairy V2, their current lineup may not be strong enough to carry them to a wildcard.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – The Teme (3-2-6), Breaking eads (1-2-9)

New additions to the OFL, The Teme was in for an uphill battle this season. Erlendur joined this rag-tag bunch for his 3rd tour of duty in the OFL, and added to his already impressive career totals, but he hasn’t had much help. Breaking eads have done more or less what they set out to do, break eads, though I think it’s worth noting that Gym-bo won as many games in ONE season with Halflings as he has in TWO seasons with Ogres. He should have stuck with the Hussies.

LFC NORTH

SURE THING – buBonIc bRatS (6-4-2)

Danton’s Skaven have had a strong year, thanks in no small part to Freaks From Space veteran Ming the Merciless and his 15 Casualties. With only 9 players on the roster, but 200K in the bank, it will be interesting to see what roster moves the bRatS make as they close in on the end of the season.

ON THE BUBBLE – Every Elf Is An Island (4-4-3), Lazerhawk (5-2-4)

Every Elf Is An Island, or EEIAI for short, have somehow managed to maintain a roster of 13 completely healthy players and a comfortable bank balance despite suffering FORTY casualties in 11 games. Witchcraft! EIEIO is up to something, I know it. Lazerhawk have won 3 of their last 4 to get themselves back into the wildcard discussion, but with 3 teams sitting on 6 points and 2 more at 5.5, the WC race will be a tight one all the way to the end of the year.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Confederacy of Dunces (4-3-4)

The Dunces have a pair of excellent Big Guys in the veteran Mjolner and the Block/Claw Ogre Margaret Crasher, but they also have a date with LFC-leading Darkland Raiders next week…and their divisional games will all be tough…and they have too many teams to get past to make the WC…and everybody knows that having all 3 Big Guys on a Pact team is stupid…

LFC WEST

SURE THING – Darkland Raiders (8-1-2)

The Raiders are peaking at the right time, and had a 5-game winning streak going before a draw in Week 11 with Dark Angels. A trio of ST 4 players makes them intimidating on both sides of the ball, and they’ve pretty much got the LFC W title sewn up.

ON THE BUBBLE – Symphony of Corruption (3-6-3), Feeding Service (4-3-4)

Remember the name “Fleshrender Flutist”. He’s on pace to break the 1000-yard rushing mark in just his 2nd season in the OFL, and he’s the biggest reason SoC are in the wildcard hunt. They’ve got a silver star for now, but most of the teams chasing them have a game in hand, so they’ll need to finish strong if they want to keep it. Feeding Service has done quite well, considering that they were at such a disadvantage coming in as a new team this season…why don’t they have a Bloodthirster?

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Cockney Rhyming Slann (1-2-8)

It’s been a rough year for the Cocks, with their lone win coming 9 weeks ago. Serves them right for having a pun in their team name.

LFC EAST

SURE THING – Angry Birds (7-3-1)

Elves are annoying enough at the best of times, but when they’ve got 3 AG+ players on their roster, forget about it. They’ve also got a pair of 9 MV Catchers, which someone should really do something about. They’re Wood Elves, so every game could be their last, but they look poised to take a run at the LFC crown.

ON THE BUBBLE – Chakalaka (3-5-3)

Who names these teams? Chakalaka is carrying on the Khemri tradition of being really, really good at playing draws, but they’ll need a string of wins if they’re going to get into the playoffs. Old Nehekhara Nightmare teammates Shuxel Kemhef and Khar Mabad, along with former Shugo Jiangshi player Zhou Yun, provide a veteran presence, while a pair of homegrown ST+ players in Femur and Gonads II give Chakawhatever an advantage in the trenches. This team is better than their record, and should make the playoffs.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Dark Angels (3-3-5), Zlatan Dragons (1-4-6)

The Angels don’t score much, but they don’t surrender too many TDs, either. But with only 1 win in their last 6, they have too much ground to make up to get anywhere near the playoffs. The Dragons have struggled in their 1st OFL season, though their lone win did come against the LFCN-leading bRatS. I’m not used to seeing Lizard teams at the bottom of the standings. The LFC is weird.

LFC SOUTH

SURE THING – Granite Geckos (7-2-2)

This is more like it, a Lizard team in 1st place and headed for the playoffs. After a solid performance last season, the Geckos are positioned for a title run, led by the OFL’s top scorer from last season, Mr Dodge Dodgy. Mr Dodge’s numbers have tailed off a bit this season, but that’s only because he’s sharing the TD-scoring duties with Teyacapan this time around.

ON THE BUBBLE – Skanks on Tour (4-5-2)

Hang on, you expect me to believe a Goblin team is holding down a wildcard spot? Get outta here.

PLAYING OUT THE STRING – Halfshell Heroes (4-1-6), Mainstay Murderers (1-0-11)

The Heroes are a whopping -24 in Cas differential; I’m actually impressed that they’ve managed 4 wins with numbers like that. Zitz appears to be trying to collect one of every type of injury. The Murderers are on pace for even fewer points this season than they had in Season 11, and the only team with a worse TD differential is Breaking eads. But at least they managed a win this time around.

 -General Kale

 

 

Season12

LFCNAll of the teams in The LFC North retired. Four band new teams replace them. CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES are starting off with all three big guys, including former Undermountain Hammerhands Minotaur, Mjolnir. They also signed a +AG Marauder, and a +MV Dark Elf. BUBONIC BRATS grabbed a side-stepping Gutter Runner, and a pair of hard hitting Stormvermin. Ming the Merciless brings killer instinct and championship experience to the team. The new Wood Elf team, EVERY ELF IS AN ISLAND decided to avoid the high-priced free agents and start with a larger roster. They signed a kicker and the strong-armed Neo. LAZERHAWK is an all-rookie Chaos Dwarf team.

TheBiffSaysI think it comes down to either the Skaven or the Wood Elves. Their speed gives them a big advantage. I also think that Ming will be the difference between the rats and woodies. Bubonic Brats win a tight race.

 

 

 

LFCWDARKLAND RAIDERS edged out The Granite Geckos to win the division last season. They carry all home-grown talent, including a +AG Runner, a +ST Runner, a +ST Blitzer, and a 10AV Lineman! SYMPHONY OF CORRUPTION developed nicely last season, and should challenge for the division title.  A Pair of Pestigors standout – the ClawPOMBer, Little Timpani Boy, and the +AG, +MV, Fleshrender Flutist. FEEDING SERVICE is the second Khorne Daemon team to join the league. They avoided the shallow Khorne free agent pool, and went with all rookies. The decision to play without a Bloodthirster is curious. COCKNEY RHYMING SLANN is the latest Circus team to join the league. They picked up one free agent – a Warpstone Freak with Guard.

TheBiffSaysSymphony of Corruption should be one of the top defensive teams again this season. The question is – Can they score enough touchdowns to win more than five games? I say yes they can. And they’ll win the division.

 

 

 

LFCEThe East remains mostly intact. ANGRY BIRDS won the division last season. They carry two Throwers – a Kicker and a Leader. The Wardancer Auriel is their star. DARK ANGELS just missed the playoffs. They have four Guards which should help in dealing with the stronger teams in the division. Their Blitzers are built to take out Skinks and Elves. CHAKALAKA’s Tomb Guardians are apparently the ancestors of Timdog’s team. They have two +ST players – a Blitz-Ra and a Tomb Guardian. Fibula II gives them a little extra mobility on offense. ZLATLAN DRAGONS spent big in free agency. They signed a Saurus basher who is on the verge of reaching Level 6; and a defensive-minded Skink who should pair well with their bad-ass Kroxigor, Krakatoa.

TheBiffSaysI’m gonna go with Dark Angels to come out on top of the division, because… well, why not? I won’t be a bit surprised if three teams from this division end up making the playoffs.

 

 

 

LFCSGRANITE GECKOS fell to ZZ Top Hats in the LFC Championship. All of their Saurus have Block. Three have Mighty Blow. Mr Dodge Dodgy was last season’s top scorer. His numbers might take a dip with the addition of the +AG, +MV free agent Teyecapan.

HALFSHELL HEROS are currently the most successful Circus team the league has seen. Raphael has the potential to be unstoppable on offense. SKANKS ON TOUR have been fan favorites since joining the league. The Troll, Pappa Skank, has Block. Nobber has Sure Hands, and Oggie has Wrestle. MAINSTAY MURDERERS have been slow to develop, but they do have a nice foundation going. There are a couple of with stat increases that could really be good. Several players are very close to leveling up.

TheBiffSaysThe Geckos made it to The LFC Championship last season, and they are the favorites to get back there. Step one to accomplishing that , is to win their division, which I think they will – in dominating fashion.

 

 

 

Season12

WFCN

COOLSWAMP BOGCROCS (Last Season: 6-5-5)

The Bogcrocs had a significant drop off last season, going from 13 wins to 6, but they still managed to hold on for the division title. Their Saurus are just brutal. Two of them have +ST. Xhotilt is the standout among the Skinks. They face a very difficult schedule this season. We’ll find out if last season was an aberration, or if season 10 was a fluke.

HOOD RATS (Last Season: 5-4-7)

The Hood Rats are hoping to improve on their strong finish last season. The positional players are quite talented, but also quite beat up. They have a good Thrower and excellent Gutter Runners. Popsnot is on the verge of becoming another one-turner to go along with BG. They do not currently have a Rat Ogre.

SOUP TO NUTS (Last Season: 2-5-9)

Where did it all go wrong? Some would say it was the beginning of Season 10 when GK selected Chaos Pact in the Race Draft. These guys really struggled last season, allowing nearly twice as many touchdowns as they had in previous season. They only utilize one of the big guys – the Chaos Ogre. Dancing Lady is the team’s killer; Ahriman is being groomed as a ball handler; and with a 5AG, there’s not much Gold Raiders can’t do. The support players need to develop a bit if they hope to get back to being playoff contenders.

THE CIRCUS (Last Season: 3-1-12)

This is actually a solid team. All of the positional are at least level three. They have plenty of Claws and Tackle, but are lacking in Guard. Several players are on the verge of gaining new skills. If they can level early, it might be enough to get this team over the hump, and get them in contention.

TheBiffSaysIt’s hard to pick a winner here. Most of the time last season it looked like none of these teams wanted to win this division. So ya know what? I’m just gonna go with the long shot, and say The Circus will wind up on top. No I’m not drunk. Okay, maybe a little.

 

 

WFCWMIASMIC MISERY (Last Season: 7-5-4)

After a somewhat disappointing regular season, The Misery made it all the way to the Championship game before falling in overtime to The Phoenix Kings. The roster is scary, but they run with no bench, which can be a problem against other killer teams. They have a pair of +ST Pestigors – Pox II is the killer, and Dengue Dan is the ball carrier.

NEBRASKULL HORNHUSKERS (Last Season: 8-1-7)

A five game losing streak to start the second half of the season kept them out of the playoffs last season. They come into the season with a full starting roster – something they haven’t had in awhile. Shimmer has lost a step, but he’s still very dangerous. Lil Red is following in her sister’s footsteps, and is well on her way to being the baddest bitch in the OFL. Tommy fRazor is the undisputed king of the 3-yard pass.

OFL RAGE QUIT (Last Season: 4-4-8)

No one on this team has any kind of ball handling skills. They may not even look at the ball this season unless they can figure out a way to use it to kill people. Their goals are simple – three-peat as both Golden Scimitar and Foul-aThon Champs. Kaergas could reach 100 career casualties, and he has an outside shot at passing Mauhur for the top spot.

THE FLY BOYS (Last Season: DNP)

This new High Elf team is taking the place of Shakespears Encore. Being stuck in this division is about the worst case scenario for a new elf team. They have signed former Defenders of The Sidhe Pro-Bowl Blitzer, Gwydion (Blodge, Leap, +AG, Tackle, Fend); Cillean MacLean, Catcher from The Lords of The Isles (Blodge, Catch, Side Step); and an LFC veteran, Solusef Ro (Dodge, Safe Throw, Pass, Accurate, Strong Arm).

TheBiffSaysI’m picking The Hornhuskers… to finish SECOND! Ha! This division belongs to Miasmic Misery. They got unfinished business after last season’s disappointing championship game – damn, I lost my ass on that one!

 

 

WFCEHEROES OF LORE (Last Season: 9-3-4)

The most valuable team entering the season. There is a ridiculous amount of agility on this squad, including the 5AG Ghoul, Rawbone Jawdrool (formerly of Boneyard Reapers). Tavi is one of the best all-around players in the league. Vlad Harkonnen and Conan the Barbarian are the team’s enforcers.

HEXOATL HURRICANES (Last Season: 7-3-6)

Last season’s slow start killed The Hurricanes. Look for them to come out of the gates strong this season (or possibly lose 5-3). Their Saurus are outstanding. All of them are at least level 3. Kukulcan and Zlat of the Moon both have Frenzy. Sixunlucky (+ST) could develop into a super star. They have a nice pair of offensive Skinks in the sure-handed Hozanek, and the one-turn threat Coalttilt.

CACTUAR CALAMITY (Last Season: 6-4-6)

These rats have the best Gutter Runners in the league. Caltrop and Warp Arrow are both +ST, and Minister Needles is +AG. After sitting out for a season-and-a-half, Rotting Brick rejoined the team in week 9 last season, and picked up right where he left off. The over/under on deaths is 14.5. Honorary team member, Glart Smashrip Jr. could wind up being the team MVP.

DARKSIDE MARAUDERS (Last Season: DNP)

Lord Vader has returned to The OFL. The 6ST Chaos Warrior is bringing a couple of defensive specialist Beastmen along with him – Reven II (Block, Tackle, Diving Tackle) and Sion (+ST, Block, Mighty Blow, Frenzy, Strip Ball).

TheBiffSaysI know three things about Chuck Norris: Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet – he scares the shit out of it! And Chuck Norris can coach some Blood Bowl. He’ll keep The Heroes on top of their game, and the division.

 

 

WFCSTHE CHOSEN ONES (Last Season: 13-2-1)

The Chosen Ones were the best team in the regular season, but they failed to make it past the second round of the playoffs. The Wardancers are the strength of the team as expected. Violet Song is the hitter, while the +ST Katniss is the ball-sacker. They currently do not have a Thrower on the roster.

ORKEMON (Last Season: 9-4-3)

They prevented The Chosen Ones from going undefeated in the regular season. They play true team ball. There are no real standout players – touchdowns and casualties are pretty well spread out among the players, Stand Firm and Guard everywhere you look.

PINK SPADES (Last Season: 8-4-4)

The Spades came up short in their quest to repeat as champions. Louisa Necib II is very reminiscent of The Queen of The Stars. Okypous Antandra has the potential to be a special player. They should be right in the thick of championship contention as long as they aren’t struck by some sort of tragedy, like losing three veteran players in Week 1.

CLAN DRAGONBANE (Last Season: 5-5-6)

It felt like they underachieved a bit last season. Expectations are high this season. With Guard and Mighty Blow all over the place, they have the potential to do a lot of damage. Byrth Grundadrakk has +AG, but is slowed by a bad ankle. The best player on the team is the 5ST Blitzer, Gotrek Gurnisson.

TheBiffSaysTop to bottom, this is probably the strongest division in the league. It won’t be a surprise if they send three teams to the playoffs again. I’m gonna pick The Clan to go from worst to first.

 

 

 

WFCUSPINAL SNAP (Last Season: 8-3-5)

The Snap held on to a Wildcard spot even though they dropped 3 of their final 4 games last season. They have signed former Meanbay Slacker, UlgrotBreak’Noz to shore up the front line. They have a pair of freaks in Gorefairy (+2ST) and David St Hubbins (+2AG). It appears Derek Smalls is being groomed to replace the deceased Marty DiBergi.

WOODSTOCK WARRIORS (Last Season: 6-3-7)

They had a decent season considering all of the casualties and deaths they suffered. The Wardancers are about all they have. Joan Baez has +AG, and Grace Slick has +2AG. They swept the final round of division games, and hope to carry that momentum into the new season.

BREAKING EADS (Last Season: 2-2-12)

If any team can steal The Golden Scimitar from OFL Rage Quit, it’s this one. Five of the six Ogres have Piling On. The one who doesn’t? Nox Nutstomper, the 7ST monstrosity, formerly of The Mad Mawlurz. The only Snotling worth half a  crap is the Dirty Player/Sneaky Git, Wendy. Hope she doesn’t sie.

THE TEME (Last Season: DNP)

The Teme raided Vikingur for their three free agents. Grettirdis, a +ST Lineman; the +AG Runner, Erlendur who also starred for Fjord Mustngs; and a killer Berserker named Alfred (Might Blow, Piling On) who could be the real standout among the group.

TheBiffSaysWith a new team, an Ogre team, and a beat up Wood Elf team in the division, things seem to really be in favor of Spinal Snap. The Orcs should finally break through with a division title.

 

 

 

Season12

AFCNBRACKISH BRAWLERS (Last Season: 10-4-2)

The Brawlers were primed to make another deep run in the playoffs last season, but they took a beating in their first round match. Without their best player, General Meiffert, they ended up losing a heartbreaker in round two. The General leads a solid group of Saurus. The best set of Skinks in the league includes two +AGs and the 4ST abomination, Cannon Fodder.

OBLIVION KNIGHTS (Last Season: 6-6-4)

The Knights playoff match against their scaly division rivals essentially came down to a coin flip. They are light on Tackle, which hurt them in the playoffs, and could kill them this season with their schedule. Their core of players is strong. If they can add a few bodies, and develop their rookie Warriors, they should be in the playoff hunt again. Mulcana needs 13 casualties to pass Mauhur.

FIST FIRST (Last Season: 4-5-7)

Last season was Fist First’s best so far. They were in the Wildcard hunt heading into the final round of divisional games. The loss of Eomund Alban was devastating. His place is being taken by a rookie called Pedi, which gives them the offensive combo of Manni/Pedi. If they can quickly replace the pair of Blitzers they are missing, they might be able to improve on last season.

NEVERLAND THRILLERS (Last Season: 3-6-7)

The Thrillers took a step back last season. They lacked offensive punch, or any kind of punch, really. They need more Boneyard and less Bonetard. The Reaper is obviously the most talented player on the roster. They will go as far as he can carry them. It would be nice if they could get off to a fast start this season – something like, 6 casualties in week 1 would be a good start.

TheBiffSaysThe Brawlers are totally focused on one goal this season – to finally get their hands on the big prize. They’re the only team in the division coming into the season at full strength – that’s big for a team that really doesn’t need any help. They should get out to a lead and hold on to it all season.

 

 

AFCW

PHOENIX KINGS (Last Season: 11-4-1)

The Kings were the top team in the AFC last season. That success carried over into the playoffs as they went on to win the Championship. They paid a price for the trophy, losing two excellent Catchers, including Pro-Bowler Sunhawk Bashbait. They need to get their rookie replacements up to speed as fast as possible.  Leadership now falls squarely on the shoulders of Timion Tebow. Can they be the first team since The Dark Spades to repeat?

UNDERMOUNTAIN HAMMERHANDS (Last Season: 9-4-3)

The Hammerhands had a great season. One slip up in overtime cost them what looked like a sure victory in the first round of the playoffs. They have a highly skilled group of Blockers which includes two ClawPOMBers. Gymbo and Orabbi give them a pair of solid options on offense. They are definitely poised to take a run at The Kings, and possibly the Championship.

CEREAL KILLERS (Last Season: 7-2-7)

The Killers made a big leap last season, nearly sneaking into the playoffs. They are finally starting to develop some hitters to go along with the four +AG players on the roster. Watch out for Sugar Bear to emerge as a star this season. It will be difficult to overtake both The Kings and The Hammerhands to win the division, but a Wildcard spot should be attainable.

THE SKULLTAKERS (Last Season: 2-4-10)

Last season went about as well as one would expect for the league’s very first Khorne Daemon squad. It was a long season spent developing talent for this season. They have enough Block now, but they are sorely in need of a few Guard players. Anngrath, The Bloodthirster, has already become one of the most feared big guys in the league.

TheBiffSaysNo disrespect to our pansy Elf Champions (they’re great) but loss of Sunhawk is huge. That guy was a menace around the sidelines, and you don’t just grab a guy off the street to replace a player like that. They’ll overcome it, but I think it will make just enough of a difference for The Hammerhands to steal the division this season.

 

AFCE

MAELSTROM MARAUDERS (Last Season: 7-3-6)

The Marauders are probably the most well-rounded of the three Chaos Pact teams, so it’s no surprise they were the only one to make the playoffs. They are also the only ones to use all three of the big guys. They create a nearly impenetrable wall for opponents to deal with. They need to develop some players to keep the faster teams from running away from them.

VOODOO (Last Season: 6-3-7)

Nuffle decided to rape this Necro team in Week 16 last season. They faced multiple blitzes, and lost two Werewolves – er, wait… one Werewolf, and one Flesh Golem named Werewolf (fuck you Styxx!). They may wait to replace them with free agents – there are a few more good ones since The Graveyard Rats have been released into the pool. Until then, it will be up to Igor The Sentinel, Sirius Black and Hack Enslash to carry the team.

TESTICULAR ELEPHANTITIS (Last Season: 5-3-8)

Last season was an unmitigated disaster (okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration). They slipped in every category: offense, defense, wins, and casualties. They have the pieces to turn things around though – a strong line of Blockers; a mob of Dirty Player Hobgoblins; and a Pro Bowl ball carrier in Gigglebits. Trouser Python needs to have a bounce back season. They should be able to hang with their division foes and challenge for the title.

NAGGAROTH REVOLUTIONARIES (Last Season: DNP)

A New Dark Elf team taking the spot of Clan Venom. They have signed three free agents – Tiliste ‘El Capitan’ (Blitzer – Blodge, Mighty Blow, Tackle), Calfenaine (Witch Elf – Blodge, Frenzy, Jump Up, Mighty Blow), and Aynrand (Runner – Dump Off, Accurate, Sure Hands, Strong Arm, Pass). They also made a trade with A Nightmare on Elf Street to get a Blodging lineman.

TheBiffSaysThis division wasn’t decided until the final week last season. Only 2 points separated first from last. It really looks like a two team race this time around. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and predict Elephant Balls to win it.

 

 

 

AFCS

NEHEKHARA NIGHTMARE (Last Season: 7-3-6)

With four +ST players on the roster, The Nightmare may be the strongest team in the league. Their Blitz-Ras are the heart and soul of the team. Arn has the potential to be the first Skeleton to make the Pro Bowl. The Thro-Ras won’t make anyone forget Amoxos, but they are solid enough. They have a lot of speedy teams on their schedule which could present problems for them.

ZERG RUSH (Last Season: 6-4-6)

The transition from The WFC to The AFC was not kind to Zerg Rush. They failed to qualify for the playoffs after reaching the WFC Championship game the previous season.  Their Warriors are good, but only Ashdar is scary. Zergling needs to return to Pro Bowl form. With a Smashed Knee and Fractured Skull, Gorefist is basically a dead beast walking.

CREEPING DEATH (Last Season: 7-1-8)

They just said ‘fuck it, we’re giving everyone Claws’. Sitri is the most dangerous of the group. Watch for the ClawPOMBer to explode this season. Leyak Jr. is the closest thing they have to a true ball-handler, and even he will probably end up with Claws at some point.

WARP FACTOR ELEVEN (Last Season: 5-4-7)

The only Underworld team in the league went 3-1-1 down the stretch last season, coming up just shy of the .500 mark. They are obviously hoping to continue that trend and compete for a playoff spot this season. They have good Thrower; problem is, he doesn’t have any quality options to throw to. Gaila has the potential to be a star. He is the team’s killer. Unfortunately, he can’t remove opponents as fast as opponents remove his teammates. The Goblins are mostly rookies, but Krem does stand out with Two Heads and +ST.

TheBiffSaysIt’s gonna be a lot of fun watching these teams beat the crap out of each other. There might not be much left of the winners by the time playoffs roll around, but hey, this is Blood Bowl! I’m gonna say Sab happens in a big way this season, and Creeping Death wins it.

 

 

AFCC

SERVANTS OF SARUMAN (Last Season: 8-4-4)

The Servants seemed to perform better after losing Mauhur. They went on to make a nice playoff run, defeating two of the top three teams in The AFC before falling to eventual champions, The Phoenix Kings. It’s all downhill from there. There aren’t any players to keep an eye on – they all suck! Expect them to find a way to lose 23 games this season.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELF STREET (Last Season: 5-6-5)

All they needed was a tie in Week 16 last season to wrap up a Wildcard spot, and they came up short. They have a lot of talent, but the best players are carrying injuries.  Malekith has a Smashed Hip; O Ren Ishi has a Smashed Knee and a Broken Neck (negating her +AG); and the most dangerous Dark Elf in the world, Leatherface, has a double Damaged Back. If they can keep them on the field, they’re capable of beating anyone.

STOUT LAGERHEAD ALLSTARS (Last Season: 4-7-5)

The Allstars must have drowned the shit out of their sorrows after losing the Season 10 Championship match. The hangover lasted 16 weeks! They have fired their Death Roller to cut back on inducements. Clyde the Mighty shows a lot of promise. The rest of the team is built to destroy, but they are soooo sloooooooow. Injuries to their Troll Slayers have left them with only four players with better than 5MV.

IRON TREE HURLERS (Last Season: 4-0-12)

The franchise’s 27th head coach stepped in late last season, and promptly played spoiler for two division rivals. Their Wardancers are excellent, and work well together for breaking cages. Atheyl should end up as one of the top passers this season. He has a pair of very good targets to throw to. This is a team to watch out for!

TheBiffSaysThis has the potential to be one of the most competitive divisions in the league. It’s hard for me to say this, but I’m gonna go with the dark horse here – The Iron Tree Hurlers. They are healthier than Elf Street; faster than The Allstars; and The Servants blow! Reverse jinx FTW!

 

 

RiggzCornerJohnnyVomitJohnny Vomit, Bloody Lee, Dr. What?, and Bongos, AKA Doom Diver, the Old World’s most notorious heavy metal band, were on their way home after the final show of their Green Stink Tour.

I was invited on their tour bus to speak with the lead singer.

RIGGZ: How was the tour Johnny?

JOHHNY: It was pure success! We traveled to 4 continents, played 653 shows, wrecked 328 ‘otel rooms, got arrested 76 times, boned 3,712 groupies, and smoked 42,177 blunts.

RIGGZ: Wow! You guys are on top of the world!

JOHNNY: We’re bigger‘n Gork ‘n’ Mork!

RIGGZ: So how did you decide to get involved in Blood Bowl?

JOHNNY: Well, we’d just finished a stretch o’ 52 shows in 55 days; we was exhausted; an’ dangerously low on crank. I was perusing Krag’s List, trying to find somebody who was sellin’ somethin’ we could smoke or snort, when I came across an ad for a Blood Bowl Team For Sale.

RIGGZ: Damn! Is there anything you can’t find on Krag’s List?

JOHNNY: A time machine shaped like a giant penguin.

RIGGZ: So this was kind of an impulse buy?

JOHNNY: Totally. A lot of things sound good after ‘alf-dozen Squig tranquilizers an’ a fifth of Black Dagger. Anyway, a few emails, a quick detour to Isengard, an’ a transaction involving 5 million Gitcoins, an’ next thing ya know, I’m the proud owner of Servants of Saruman.

RIGGZ: So are you going to change the name of the team? It doesn’t make sense to have the Servants of Saruman, if Saruman isn’t the one running the team.

JOHNNY: Well, that was da plan. I was gonna call ‘em Servants of Johnny V’s Big Fat Dong, but apparently, da higher ups in da league frown upon name changes an’ stuff – messes with their record books an’ such.

RIGGZ: What a bummer.

JOHNNY: Guess they can’t afford a bottle of white-out – but, whatever. They got nothing to say about da name of our home field, so from now on, Isengard Coliseum will be known as Da Vomitorium.

RIGGZ: I like it!

JOHNNY: An’ da cheerleaders will be called Da Vomettes!

RIGGZ: Now that’s kind of gross.

JOHNNY: Have you seen our cheerleaders?

RIGGZ: Your first roster move was the Player Draft, where you selected a complete unknown named… Scott?

JOHNNY: Scott was one of our roadies. He’s been touring wif us for years.

RIGGZ: Does he have any playing experience?

JOHNNY: Nah, but he used to be a bouncer at a titty bar.

RIGGZ: I guess there are some crossover skills there.

JOHNNY: More importantly, Scott is striking a blow for equality as da OFL’s very first openly gay player.

SCOTT: I’m not gay.

JOHNNY: Homosexual.

SCOTT: No.

JOHNNY: We have a video of you coming out of da closet.

SCOTT: That was a broom closet; and you’re the one who locked me in there. You know, people don’t literally come out of a closet.

JOHNNY: Well, we literally have pictures of you wif a penis in yer mouf.

SCOTT: You Photoshopped that.

JOHNNY: You have a tramp stamp that says ‘Girl Power’.

SCOTT: You drew that with a Sharpie last week when I passed out drunk.

JOHNNY: Drunk on wine coolers. Sissy.

RIGGZ: Is it possible you’ve fabricated this entire story for the publicity?

JOHNNY: What? I’ve never been so insulted! Except that time when my grandma called me a taint-lickin’, pickle-smoochin’, bug-eyed, shit-breathed, donkey-fucker.

RIGGZ: I’m sorry. Let’s just move on. What are your expectations for – SNIFF, SNIFF. What is that smell?

JOHNNY: BONGOS!!!!

BONGOS: What?

JOHNNY: Did you ‘appen to shit in da bus again?

BONGOS: Yes.

JOHNNY: How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t do #2 in da bus?

BONGOS: It was emergency.

JOHNNY: Now we’re all stuck breathing your foul stench for da next hundred miles!

BONGOS: It was you idea to stop at Wight Castle. Hold on. Me spray da pine fresh stuff.

JOHNNY: No, don’t –

RIGGZ: I think I’m going to be sick.

JOHNNY: Now it smells like someone shit in the woods!

RIGGZ: Bleeeeaaarrgghhh!!

JOHNNY: Open the windows! From now on, you ride on top of the bus wif da equipment!

That’s the last thing I remember. I woke up in my underwear in a bathroom stall of a rest stop. Someone had used a magic marker to write ‘Put you big dick here’ on my lower back with an arrow pointing toward my butt.

It was a long wait for a cab.

Playoff Race (Season 11)

AFC NORTH

The Brackish Brawlers and Oblivion Knights are running neck-and-neck for the division lead. Week 16 should decide it. Unless one team decides to crap all over itself, both should make the playoffs. Hmmm… neither of these teams has ever crapped all over itself down the stretch have they? Fist First and The Neverland Thrillers are still alive, but only just barely. The Thrillers have already had an effect on the playoffs with a week 13 massacre of Spinal Snap.

AFC WEST

Right now, The Phoenix Kings are the #1 seed in The AFC. Their only loss was a shocker at the smelly, green hands of Warp Factor Eleven. The Undermountain Hammerhands are right on The Kings’ heels. This division could also be decided in Week 16. The Cereal Killers don’t have much hope to win the division, but they are right in the thick of the Wildcard race. Their poor totals in Net Touchdowns, and Net Casualties could end up being their downfall. The Skulltakers have been eliminated from playoff contention.

AFC EAST

Only 2 games separate first and last. Clan Venom is the only team in the division on the plus side in Net Touchdowns right now. They are currently tied atop the division with The Maelstrom Marauders, and hold the advantage due to their Week 1 win over their Pact rivals. The rematch is Week 16. VooDoo got off to a strong start, but are winless in their last six. Testicular Elephantitis has been one of the most disappointing teams of the season. Trouser Python has played more like a Panty Hamster. If VooDoo and Elephantitis can get back on track, they could turn this division upside down.

AFC SOUTH

Nehekhara Nightmare are #3 in The Golden Scimitar, and already have more points than last season. They have a bit of a cushion between themselves and their divisionmates, and should be able to hold on to that lead. Zerg Rush has not lived up to expectations after last season’s playoff run. After dropping their last two, and getting brutalized by Spinal Snap, they may not have much fight left in them. Creeping Death have been up and down all season. They seem to have finally found some consistency now. Unfortunately, it has come in the form of a three game losing streak – not exactly what they were looking for. Warp Factor Eleven have proven they can hang with anyone, playing a lot of close games, and managing to defeat both The Phoenix Kings and Brackish Brawlers.

AFC CENTRAL

With a three-way tie atop the division, the final month should be exciting. The Servants of Saruman are just barely hanging on to the lead right now. They are beat up, and on a four game winless streak. Plus, they suck. Fuck them. The Stout Lagerhead Allstars, look good for at least a Wildcard, but they need to develop a replacement for Charlie Mopps if they want to make another deep run in the playoffs. The preseason dark horse, A Nightmare on Elf Street, are #1 in The Mithril Javelin. If they can survive back-to-back games against Dwarves, they should make the playoffs. The Iron Tree Hurlers are playing for pride at this point.

WFC NORTH

Coolswamp Bogcrocs basically have the division wrapped up. The rest of the division have underperformed, and will be watching the playoffs on Cabalvision. The Hood Rats got off to a promising start, but they fell apart, and are now on their third coach of the season. It’s questionable whether or not they’ll return next season. Soup To Nuts were expected to give The Bogcrocs a run for their money again this season, but it just hasn’t panned out for them. Maybe Pact was a mistake. The Circus has left town.

WFC WEST

Dengue Dan has not been the scoring machine he was last season, but Miasmic Misery still find themselves on top of the division, and looking good to repeat as West Champs. The Nebraskull Hornhuskers have lost three straight games to fall out of the division lead. With the loss of several key players, they may be in rebuilding mode for next season. It looks like the most feared team in The OFL, OFL Rage Quit, will repeat as Golden Scimitar, and Foul-a-Thon champs, but fall just shy of the playoffs again. Shakespear’s Encore cannot get a Wildcard spot. Their only shot at the playoffs is to win the division, and that’s the longest of long shots.

WFC EAST

No one is out of the division race, and it’s still possible two teams could get into the playoffs. We said at the start of the season that Heroes of Lore could be the surprise team of the season, and look where they are now! Chuck fuckin’ Norris! The Hexoatl Hurricanes are -2 in Net Touchdowns this season, after being +13 last season. They need to fix this in a hurry if they want to make the post season. Back-to-back losses have put Cactuar Calamity in a tough spot – 1.5 back in the division race; and 1 back in the Wildcard race, with a very tough remaining schedule. It will take a miracle for The Red Heck Rejects to make the playoffs. They are #2 in the Iron Curtain, but just can’t score with regularity. They have managed to win two in a row to remain in the playoff conversation though. If they win their next one, it’s called a winning streak.

WFC SOUTH

This division could easily send three teams to the playoffs, which makes it even more impressive that The Chosen Ones have it 99.9% clinched already. The most impressive thing about these Wood Elves is their defense. They are #3 in Iron Curtain rankings! The playoffs are not a lock for The Pink Spades. They must survive a Championship rematch with Stout Lagerhead Allstars before the final round of division games. After a very slow start, Orkemon has been one of the hottest teams in the league, going 6-2-0 in their last 8. Barring a repeat of last season’s late season collapse, they will be a team no one wants to play come playoff time. Clan Dragonbane has put together a nice four game run to get back in the race. If they can take advantage of Elf and Amazon armor in their next three, they might be able to force their way into a Wildcard spot.

WFC UP

The Grimm Moor Bullies and Spinal Snap tied the first time around, so the Week 14 match could decide who wins the division. Both teams should make the playoffs, but both also have big holes to fill in their rosters – The Bullies lost Bobby Barke, and Spinal Snap lost Marty Dibergi. The Woodstock Warriors deserve some sort of award for perseverance after suffering 60 Casualties and 11 Deaths so far. It’s all about next season for them now. Everyone knew Breaking Eads weren’t going to make the playoffs. They did manage a startling upset over Cactuar Calamity which could cost the Skaven a trip to the playoffs.

LFC NORTH

Warpstone Wonders have looked like the best team in the division since the start of the season, and they should coast to a division title. Fatshark Chronicles are in very good shape for a Wildcard, but could be derailed by a difficult remaining schedule. Going 0-0-3 in the first round of divisional games really hurt ZZ Top Hats. They will need some help to get in as a Wildcard. Rammstein would likely have to win out to have shot at extending their season.

LFC WEST

The Darkland Raiders are currently the top team in The LFC, and nearly guaranteed a playoff spot. Don’t fuck with The Fonz! The Granite Geckos are within striking distance of The Raiders, and they defeated the Dark Elves the first time they met. It might come down to the Week 16 match up. Symphony of Corruption is the top defense in the league. They’ll have to figure out how to get a point or two from The Geckos and Raiders if they want a Wildcard. Fastball just want the season to end.

LFC EAST

The top three teams are very close. The Dark Angels defeated Wood Elves back in Week 1; Angry Birds have a distinct speed advantage; and Chakalaka held both teams scoreless earlier this season. One very solid team is going to end up missing the post season.  It’s been a rough season for Disturbed. They have been eliminated from playoff contention. They do have a sweet logo though.

LFC SOUTH

And then there’s this… The Mainstay Murderers still have a chance of winning the division despite being winless.

Gork and Mork – Week 5

GORK: It time again for Gork an Mork Inna Morning on Da Waffle! Ghoul-Lick… Umm… What witha Ouija board, Ghoul-Lick?

MORK: We is supposed to be interviewing Big Red today. She playing in Ghost League now.

GORK: That real thing?

MORK: What you think me just make that up? Of course it real.  No one can pick up da ball though, so it mostly just a buncha ghosts floating arounda pitch for an hour going ‘WhoooOOOOOoooo!’

GORK: That sound kinda boring.

MORK: It is. But one time, Da Reikland Revenants hired a poltergeist who could actually move da ball around. It was so exciting! That guy was on his way to being superstar until an opponent hire exorcist.

GORK: You think that thing actually work?

MORK: Yeah. Watch. Big Red, you there?

GORK: Okay, Ghoul-Lick. Let’s just move on.

MORK: Wait. Da planchette  moving! She say yes!

GORK: Okay. This just ridiculous. You moving that thing youself.

MORK: No! This real shit here! Big Red, how you doing?

GORK: You done playing yet? We got show to do.

MORK: Hold on. It moving again! S…U – Get pen! Write this down, Spleenie!

GORK: Me no – Okay fine.

MORK: C…K…A This so awesome!

GORK: Yeah, this very exciting radio here.

MORK: D…

GORK: That sarcasm, by da way.

MORK: Stop being jerk face. I… You getting all this?

GORK: Yes.

MORK: C…K… Me think that it. What it say? What it say?

GORK: She say… ‘Suck a dick.’

MORK: What?

GORK: Yep. That you big radio exclusive. ‘Suck a dick.’

MORK: Well, that just rude.

GORK: Now that we waste enough time on that, it time for… Da Shocker of Da Week! This weeks Shocker is Orkemon over Da Bogcrocs.Shocker2

MORK: If you tell me at start of season that this gonna be Shocker, me slap you in you fat face!

GORK: Right, but considering da streak these teams were on coming into da game, no one expect this to be blowout in Orcs favor.

MORK: Orkemon really needed this win. Might be da first step to turnin they season around.

GORK: Let’s go to da phones! Qox’B’lahqa, you there? Qox’B’lahqa? Where you at big mouth? You some kinda fair weather fan?

MORK: He probably off crying somewhere.

GORK: Well, week five a big week for Wood Elves. It really suck, having to say that.

MORK: Yeah, Da Iron Tree Hurlers stop a three game slide with win over Skulltakers; Da Chosen Ones remain undefeated with big win over preseason favorite, Miasmic Misery; an Da Woodstock Warriors continue they winning ways with they five man team, by outscoring Da Hurricanes.

GORK: Grace Slick is unstoppable!

MORK: Yeah, an Da Hurricanes is reeling. They in last place, behind Da Rejects!

GORK: Yeah, but that whole division underperforming. They still got time to get back in it.

MORK: To da phones! Haruld on a cell, what you want?

HARULD: Hello, first time, long time! Out of the surprise division leaders  (VooDoo, Hood Rats, and Rage Quit) which do you think has the best shot at holding on to win their division?

GORK: Well, looking at da schedule, VooDoo gotta real tough four week stretch coming up where they play Oblivion Knights, Servants of Saruman, Brackish Brawlers, and Stout Lagerhead Allstars. They team might be wrecked after running through that gauntlet.

MORK: Right, so eliminate them.

GORK: Me like Da Hood Rats schedule. They only play a couple true bashers da rest of da way. They might be able to develop some players to help out they Gutter Runners. If that happen – look out!

MORK: You is obviously a stupid face. Rage Quit is rounding into peak form. They just run a train onna defending champs. Me like their chances to hold on inna WFC West.

GORK: We probably both wrong, as usual, an VooDoo gonna run the table.

MORK: Time for our weekly look at da best matchups of da coming week. What you like Spleenie?

GORK: Me gonna go with Grimm Moor Bullies vs Cactuar Calamity. Da rats on top of da WFC East, and Da Bullies tied for the lead inna WFC Up. Should be exciting.

MORK: Well, me can’t wait to see Miasmic Misery take on Orkemon. It almost a must-win for both teams. Misery can’t afford to fall further behind Rage Quit, an Orkemon needs a win to get back inna contention. Me gonna say it now – if Orkemon win this game, they gonna go on a run an win they division.

GORK: Me think that bold prediction a good spot to end da show! See yous next week!

GorkandMork